CLEVER HANS (text)

The mother of Hans said: ‘Whither away, Hans?’ Hans answered: ‘To
Gretel.’ ‘Behave well, Hans.’ ‘Oh, I’ll behave well. Goodbye, mother.’
‘Goodbye, Hans.’ Hans comes to Gretel. ‘Good day, Gretel.’ ‘Good day,
Hans. What do you bring that is good?’ ‘I bring nothing, I want to
have something given me.’ Gretel presents Hans with a needle, Hans
says: ‘Goodbye, Gretel.’ ‘Goodbye, Hans.’

Hans takes the needle, sticks it into a hay-cart, and follows the cart
home. ‘Good evening, mother.’ ‘Good evening, Hans. Where have you
been?’ ‘With Gretel.’ ‘What did you take her?’ ‘Took nothing; had
something given me.’ ‘What did Gretel give you?’ ‘Gave me a needle.’
‘Where is the needle, Hans?’ ‘Stuck in the hay-cart.’ ‘That was ill
done, Hans. You should have stuck the needle in your sleeve.’ ‘Never
mind, I’ll do better next time.’

‘Whither away, Hans?’ ‘To Gretel, mother.’ ‘Behave well, Hans.’ ‘Oh,
I’ll behave well. Goodbye, mother.’ ‘Goodbye, Hans.’ Hans comes to
Gretel. ‘Good day, Gretel.’ ‘Good day, Hans. What do you bring that is
good?’ ‘I bring nothing. I want to have something given to me.’ Gretel
presents Hans with a knife. ‘Goodbye, Gretel.’ ‘Goodbye, Hans.’ Hans
takes the knife, sticks it in his sleeve, and goes home. ‘Good
evening, mother.’ ‘Good evening, Hans. Where have you been?’ ‘With
Gretel.’ What did you take her?’ ‘Took her nothing, she gave me
something.’ ‘What did Gretel give you?’ ‘Gave me a knife.’ ‘Where is
the knife, Hans?’ ‘Stuck in my sleeve.’ ‘That’s ill done, Hans, you
should have put the knife in your pocket.’ ‘Never mind, will do better
next time.’

‘Whither away, Hans?’ ‘To Gretel, mother.’ ‘Behave well, Hans.’ ‘Oh,
I’ll behave well. Goodbye, mother.’ ‘Goodbye, Hans.’ Hans comes to
Gretel. ‘Good day, Gretel.’ ‘Good day, Hans. What good thing do you
bring?’ ‘I bring nothing, I want something given me.’ Gretel presents
Hans with a young goat. ‘Goodbye, Gretel.’ ‘Goodbye, Hans.’ Hans takes
the goat, ties its legs, and puts it in his pocket. When he gets home
it is suffocated. ‘Good evening, mother.’ ‘Good evening, Hans. Where
have you been?’ ‘With Gretel.’ ‘What did you take her?’ ‘Took nothing,
she gave me something.’ ‘What did Gretel give you?’ ‘She gave me a
goat.’ ‘Where is the goat, Hans?’ ‘Put it in my pocket.’ ‘That was ill
done, Hans, you should have put a rope round the goat’s neck.’ ‘Never
mind, will do better next time.’

‘Whither away, Hans?’ ‘To Gretel, mother.’ ‘Behave well, Hans.’ ‘Oh,
I’ll behave well. Goodbye, mother.’ ‘Goodbye, Hans.’ Hans comes to
Gretel. ‘Good day, Gretel.’ ‘Good day, Hans. What good thing do you
bring?’ ‘I bring nothing, I want something given me.’ Gretel presents
Hans with a piece of bacon. ‘Goodbye, Gretel.’ ‘Goodbye, Hans.’

Hans takes the bacon, ties it to a rope, and drags it away behind him.
The dogs come and devour the bacon. When he gets home, he has the rope
in his hand, and there is no longer anything hanging on to it. ‘Good
evening, mother.’ ‘Good evening, Hans. Where have you been?’ ‘With
Gretel.’ ‘What did you take her?’ ‘I took her nothing, she gave me
something.’ ‘What did Gretel give you?’ ‘Gave me a bit of bacon.’
‘Where is the bacon, Hans?’ ‘I tied it to a rope, brought it home,
dogs took it.’ ‘That was ill done, Hans, you should have carried the
bacon on your head.’ ‘Never mind, will do better next time.’

‘Whither away, Hans?’ ‘To Gretel, mother.’ ‘Behave well, Hans.’ ‘I’ll
behave well. Goodbye, mother.’ ‘Goodbye, Hans.’ Hans comes to Gretel.
‘Good day, Gretel.’ ‘Good day, Hans, What good thing do you bring?’ ‘I
bring nothing, but would have something given.’ Gretel presents Hans
with a calf. ‘Goodbye, Gretel.’ ‘Goodbye, Hans.’

Hans takes the calf, puts it on his head, and the calf kicks his face.
‘Good evening, mother.’ ‘Good evening, Hans. Where have you been?’
‘With Gretel.’ ‘What did you take her?’ ‘I took nothing, but had
something given me.’ ‘What did Gretel give you?’ ‘A calf.’ ‘Where have
you the calf, Hans?’ ‘I set it on my head and it kicked my face.’
‘That was ill done, Hans, you should have led the calf, and put it in
the stall.’ ‘Never mind, will do better next time.’

‘Whither away, Hans?’ ‘To Gretel, mother.’ ‘Behave well, Hans.’ ‘I’ll
behave well. Goodbye, mother.’ ‘Goodbye, Hans.’

Hans comes to Gretel. ‘Good day, Gretel.’ ‘Good day, Hans. What good
thing do you bring?’ ‘I bring nothing, but would have something
given.’ Gretel says to Hans: ‘I will go with you.’
Hans takes Gretel, ties her to a rope, leads her to the rack, and
binds her fast. Then Hans goes to his mother. ‘Good evening, mother.’
‘Good evening, Hans. Where have you been?’ ‘With Gretel.’ ‘What did
you take her?’ ‘I took her nothing.’ ‘What did Gretel give you?’ ‘She
gave me nothing, she came with me.’ ‘Where have you left Gretel?’ ‘I
led her by the rope, tied her to the rack, and scattered some grass
for her.’ ‘That was ill done, Hans, you should have cast friendly eyes
on her.’ ‘Never mind, will do better.’

Hans went into the stable, cut out all the calves’ and sheep’s eyes,
and threw them in Gretel’s face. Then Gretel became angry, tore
herself loose and ran away, and was no longer the bride of Hans.